A TV launch event, 10am. George weirds about considering a breakfast cava as her request for interview time with Jarvis Cocker has been turned down, so she has nothing to do but get morning level squiffy and enjoy the screenings.
A TV PR with whom George once spent a very fun evening drinking at another event approaches and, after exchanging pleasantries, mutters, furtively, “Do you want time with Attenborough?”
“Are you serious? Yes. Yes! I haven’t prepared any questions though.”
“That’s okay. You need to follow me. Now.”
George is hustled into a lift, taken to the top floor and enters a white room. The only people present are Jarvis Cocker, Charlie Higson, four PR people and Sir David Attenborough, who is being interviewed on camera by Sky.
George asks the PR, “Can I have time with Jarvis?” thinking that she will make use of the time that Sir David is otherwise engaged.
“No,” says the PR emphatically. “You cannot have time with Jarvis.”
“Can I show Jarvis a picture of Philly Terry wearing Pulp merchandise knickers that say ‘Are You Sure?’”
“Only you can decide that,” says the PR.
Then George is rushed to a white sofa and Sir David is brought over for an interview that George has had no time to prepare for and has not seen a single episode of the show for which he is promoting the second series.
“So, David,” says George, confidently, and just remembering to switch on her dictaphone, “What’s your favourite breed of dog?”
A short while later, George is recovering in a lower room with a milkshake when the PR approaches again.
“Thanks for setting that up, it was amazing. Happy Birthday by the way.”
“No problem. I hear you are a fan of Ronnie Corbett. Do you want time with Corbett?”
“Of course! I love The Two Ronnies. Err, I haven’t prepared any questions though.”
“That’s no problem. Let me find Corbett.”
The PR talks into his phone, then turns to George, sadly.
“I’m sorry, Corbett has left the building. He wasn’t here long.”
“Was he only here for a short time?” asks George, and she and the PR fall about laughing at George’s razor wit.
The PR’s phone rings and he turns to her, excitedly. “I was misinformed, Corbett is still here. He has been spotted downstairs by an owl. Follow me.”
George runs downstairs and is briefed by the PR in the manner of a West Wing corridor chat. “Ronnie is about to leave the building. You have minutes with him. Minutes.”
“Understood,” says George and racks her brains for Two Ronnies questions.
The interview is not going well. Ronnie does not know quite what to make of George and seems a bit put out that George presumes he is deaf even though he is, most definitely, a bit deaf. George desperately decides to pull out all the stops and goes in for the killer interview question.
“Ronnie. Tell me about your dog.”
“Well,” says Ronnie, “He’s a rescue Lurcher/Schnauzer cross.”
“So, a skinny dog with a beard?” asks George, and suddenly everything goes a lot better.
Later, George and her excellent friend Cat Collins are given a last minute interview with Anthony Head. He brings up dogs without being asked. He is an excellent man.
Post script: Sir David Attenborough’s favourite dog is a Labrador, the same breed as Sammy Sammy No Balls. George did not show Sir David a picture of Sam. She is, at all times, a professional journalist.
What Jarvis didn’t see