Dig out your Wonder bra, look up the hottest restaurant in town and change the bed sheets. You’ve managed to find a trusted babysitter for the night and you and your significant other are going OUT out for the first time since your baby arrived.
But things are not going to be exactly the same as when the two of you used to enjoy romantic nights a deux.
Here are ten things that will definitely happen on your first post-baby date.
The run-up will be as exciting as the days before Christmas
Remember when you used to think nothing of going out for a post-work drink on a Tuesday night? Meeting for a cheeky pizza on a Thursday? Those days are long gone.
In fact, you probably can’t remember the last time you were outdoors after 6pm, and so you’ll be looking forward to this one for weeks in advance.
You’ll start to feel guilty before you’ve even left the house
What if something terrible happens and your babysitter can’t cope? Despite the fact the babysitter is your mother who brought up three children with little more than a loaf of bread and a bar of soap (she reckons).
What if your little darling wakes up and you’re not there and they’re traumatised forever?
What if an earthquake happens?
What if, what if, WHAT IF?
You’ll dig out your fanciest, push-up bra for the night
It’s been a loooong time since you saw your boobs as anything other than milk machines and tonight, dammit, they are going to look perky and alluring.
You’ll take that bra off and put your maternity bra back on
Under-wiring is not comfortable and you’ll question what your pre-baby self was thinking.
That long bath, full leg shave, blow-dry and smoky eye you were planning
The luxurious hour you planned to get yourself feeling pampered will evaporate when your baby decides that tonight is the night they hate pasta / poo in the bath / do something so adorable you can’t tear yourself away.
You’ll be left with five minutes to try and find your least mad outfit and crayon some eyeliner on, Alice Cooper style. This is still the most effort you’ve put into your appearance in six months.
The restaurant regrets but all the slots between 7pm and 9pm are taken
You will wonder why this is a problem, 5pm is a perfectly acceptable time to sit down for dinner now you go to bed at 8pm.
The first drink will taste like honey from heaven
And will slip down so easily you’ll quickly order another. Then you will be squiffy. What happened to your tolerance levels? On the up side, you’re a cheap date now.
Pizza Express will feel like the height of sophistication
There’s no-one throwing food on the floor, no one screaming and everybody is eating with a knife and fork. At least, they are now you’ve remembered that you’re in the company of adults.
You’ll talk about your baby
A lot. And that’s quite all right, she’s the most interesting thing in the world.
And as for sex…
Ha ha ha ha ha! Sure. You will both fall into bed when you arrive home but not for the exciting reason you used to. Now it’s for a more exciting reason: sleep.
This article originally appeared in Mother & Baby magazine.